"Anonymous?"

 November 23, 2023

Today I was reading through a social media post about tipping restaurant servers, drivers, and others providing a service. I have mixed feelings about this and can see the argument on both sides. 

On one hand, I know that people work so much harder at jobs than I'll ever know. I've learned that none of us understand what it's like to be each other, and so I can't speak to the struggles, nor the successes, of another person. As I was reading the anonymous post from a service worker, I tried to imagine their frustration and constantly working for low wages and then having people short change them when it came time to tip. I don't know if it's true, but I have heard from several sources, that Utahns are especially bad tippers and that makes me sad, if it's true. Of course, none of these generalized criticisms levied against a whole group are true for all members of that group, but I fear that they might be true for too many people. I decided to read through some of the replies to the comment, and noticed one in particular, which simply replied: "Anonymous?" as if to question the validity of the original poster's unwillingness to own the post. I shake my head at that because I understand. Posting something in a community that criticizes the group can lead to social ostracization. People in the community will lash out at the person leading to less tips. Putting ourselves in the shoes of the poster might help to see how such a bold post must come anonymously. People, in general, don't like to be criticized and so they will turn petty when they feel their position challenged.

On the other hand, I think the expectations of tips has become too prevalent and that the assumption to tip has almost become synonymous with the actual cost of the service or product itself. If I sit down at a restaurant, then my server is giving me a friendly face and bringing food and filling up beverages and checking on me and my party; there is a great deal of extra work that goes into that, than just the food that I've ordered. If I order a soda or a coffee from a drive-up window, and the person that is working is making my drink that might take them 1-2 minutes, what is the expectation there? I personally feel obligated to tip. For example, at Dutch Bros, when I order and pay with the app, there is a place for me to customize a tip and I always do. Is that the same thing as a restaurant server? Disturbingly, my daughter worked for a local soda shop. She told me that when people tip through credit cards, and not cash, that the owners of the company kept those tips! If that's true, I am appalled! To offer a tip option, most of us would think that the tips are going to the workers. With a company possibly keeping some of the tips, then I start to think that I'm just paying more to pad the pockets of the owners who are somewhat exploiting both myself and their workers behind the guise of a tip for good service. I also question whether or not drivers to deliver groceries should be tipped. The store offers a service to drive groceries to my house. Does that store expect me to pay the wages of the person driving, through tips, even though I pay extra money to have that option?

 July 11, 2023

              While traveling long distance to visit my son and his family, we were on the freeway in an area where there were only two lanes. I was in the right lane and a semi-truck pulled up alongside me in the left lane to pass. The speed limit had changed, but I forgot to speed up. As the truck started to pass, I remembered that I ought to be going faster and so increased my speed to the new limit. As I sped ahead of the semi truck and then saw the driver pull into the right lane behind me, I was caught in a moment of reflection for the numerous times I have been driving and witnessed the same thing: As I go to pass someone, they speed up to either match mine or go faster. In those moments it is so typical of me to think that the driver is just prideful, or that they have some agenda against me, or any other story I can think of to cast them in a negative light. This moment helped me see a different side to that story… maybe it’s always been that simple, that my starting to pass them reminded them that they weren’t going fast enough. I am excited to be able to go through the next similar experience and pass the test this time by not having negative feelings towards them.

Introduction

    The purpose of this blog is to reflect on some of my experiences in life where I find myself getting frustrated with the actions of others, flipping the script, and then evaluating the way I feel an how I might act in similar circumstances. I am using this as a tool for developing my own empathy for others, but there is a glimmer of hope in me, that it might serve to help others as well. Our communities, states, and the United States of America needs more empathy and less judgment. People allow the political and social climate to be what it is and I believe we can also work together to make it better. There is a quote that has resonated with me and it goes back to a Stephen Covey book where one of his big ideas is: "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." More recently, my wife, best friend, and eternal flame put up a sign in our home with the following quote on it: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Combining those quotes and a sense of social justice that has come over me are the motivations to write this blog.

    I consider myself an historian. I’ve earned both a Bachelor’s and Master’s of Arts in History. While a love of history began as a teenager with a study of World War II, it has blossomed into an interest in people; what makes them think and act as they did? I now value new perspectives and challenging my own biases, though admittedly that is innately difficult. Through my study of history and now teaching it year in and year out, I have learned to see the world through many different lenses and that has opened my world to a realization of how small and relatively insignificant my place is in the scope of the world’s life. My education has helped me see the blessings and opportunities of my life as compared with others, and that has dramatically changed how I understand other people. I have learned that I literally know nothing about the successes and failures of other people and how those successes and failures shape them; I know nothing of the multitude of other shaping phenomena in their lives.

    In spite of not knowing to much about others, I find that I am too quick to judge based on the smallest interaction – be that whether I see them in a positive or negative light. Why do I do that? What causes me to be so quick to judge and so rash in that judgment when I am basing it off the most minute details and circumstances of their life. When I take the time to reflect on my own internal biases, I usually find that I am way off base and that I need a course correction.